Bekah's New Joke

Picture me, 10 years old waiting for the bus at my elementary school. I actually can’t remember if I was waiting for the bus or on the bus…it really doesn’t make any difference to the story, but I’m trying to paint a picture. OK, so I’m in fifth grade and I have a crush on a boy named Seth.
Seth?

Seth…the first of many unrequited loves. He told a joke, either on the bus or waiting for the bus. I didn’t get it. I laugh anyway, cause everyone else was laughing, but I don’t think they got it either. I think 5^th graders today would get this joke, especially male 5^th graders. I think the only people that got the joke then were boys. I knew all words in this joke. I’d heard them all before, I just didn’t get how when they were put in those sentences how they made up a funny joke. I knew it was a play on words, I knew it had to do with boys, and a whale. I just didn’t ‘get’ it. Like I said, I laughed anyway. At this point in my career as a comedian it didn’t matter to me if I got the joke. I was gonna go home and tell everybody anyway and get the laugh. If the internet existed back then I would have googled it and got it, and then told everybody still.
I get home from school and tell my brother and sister the joke. I remember we were at our Dad’s house. It went a little something like this.

“Hey guys, I have a joke I want to tell you.”

Josh looks up from his sketch book, and Rachel peers over the top of her Tiger Beat “Oh, great! I love jokes!” If you know any member of my family, this will sound sarcastic…it wasn’t. It was sincere.
Beaming, Bekah begins the joke.

Now this joke is a simple question and answer. Example, Why did the chicken cross the road? You know the rest, blah, blah, blah. The question is asked and the punch line is delivered. They chuckle and return promptly to their previous occupations. “It’s funny, right?” I ask

“Yeah,” Rachel manages.

“Uh, yeah.” Josh compliments.

“I’m gonna tell Dad!” I shout as I start out of the room to find my Dad and tell my hilarious new joke.
“NO!” Josh yells.

“You can’t,” tells Rachel. Now I have their attention.

“You can’t tell Dad that joke. He won’t think it’s funny.” Josh is basically pleading with me.

“But you guys did and everyone at the bus stop did.” My 10 year old logic pleaded back. I didn’t even wait for a response from my older and wiser siblings. I marched right into the kitchen to tell my Dad my hilarious joke!

Dad was in the kitchen preparing a meal. It was either an avocado sandwich, bbq steak with sautéed zucchini and mushrooms or crab salad…this part of the memory escapes me. (only my family will think that part is funny…cause it’s true!)

“Dad, I have a joke I want to tell you!” I announce as I enter the kitchen. Now this part I remember perfectly, because form here on out everything that was said and happened is forever burned into my brain. I remember him turning around, knife in hand, and looking down at me. I was short, I was only 10. I looked up and he said,

“Sure, Buck! I’d love to hear your joke!” The words every daughter wants to hear from her father. I’m sure at this point my Dad must have thought something like ‘I’m raising another hilarious person’ and pride shot out of the top of his head. Whether he thought that or not he went back to chopping. I begin the joke again.

“What is Moby Dick’s Dad’s name??” My Dad stopped his chopping, looked down at me with confusion, and another emotion I couldn’t recognize as a 10 year old.…now I’m confused, I’m like..he’s not gonna think this is funny, but it’s too late now!!

“What?” My Dad asks. Not ‘what’ as in I didn’t hear you, but ‘what’ as in What is Moby Dick’s Dad’s name?

It’s too late now, the opportunity to run away has passed. The option to turn back time never existed. I have to finish the joke. He might think its funny….

“Papa Boner!” I start to laugh. I have no idea why. I didn’t get it! Maybe I thought that if I started laughing, he would start laughing.

No.

“ Do you know why that joke is funny?” My Dad asked me.

I knew it was funny!

I think about it for a second, do I know why this joke is funny?? Let’s see…..I had heard the word ‘boner’ before. I knew it was slang for something to do with a dick, and the annoying neighbor on Growing Pains. I had to admit,

“No”

What happened next was and still is my worst nightmare. My Dad gathered me into the other room and explained to me why that joke was not funny. I have since blocked most of the explanation out. He explained it all. Sex, the birds and the bee’s, what a boner actually is, why boys get them…the humiliation goes on and on. He also explained how young ladies shouldn’t be telling dirty jokes like that. What is the next step down from humiliation?? Despair, shame? Utter and total embarrassment and regret?? I felt all of those things.

We walked back to the kitchen together, I was a zombie at that point. I met my brother and sister in the living room and sat down, staring into the blank.

“Did Dad think your joke was funny?” Josh asked.

“No,” I said shaking my head. “No, he did not.”

This is my Dad, O.D.
 What a handsome guy, No?

SO many things that I love. One simple, everyday task that I just love is food…and eating, eating and food. All things food, eating it, cooking it, buying it already cooked, buying it not eaten yet, which is the way I prefer it. Eating satisfies and satiates. Cooking does the same things. Something seems right in the universe when you successfully prepare some sort of food item and then put it in your body. There is also something very special about cooking food for loved ones and enjoying it with them and watching them enjoy it just the same…

I go through food phases when I just can’t get enough of.(fill in the blank) These love affairs last anywhere from a week to a month to a year and beyond. Some food items that I have been obsessed with briefly are pumpkin seeds (which wreck havoc on your digestive system..I don’t know that this is a scientific fact, but scratchy going down, scratchy coming out is a general rule..) Smoked almonds (taste like ham) and Flamin' Hot Cheetos with limon (same rule applies to spicy food as scratchy food…same, same.)

Some foods I will eat all the time cause they are easy and good and make me happy, for example, chips and salsa, microwave popcorn (butter or kettle corn) eggs in any form, hard boiled, soft boiled, scrambled or fried, or popeye..I could write an entire blog of the perfect food item, the Popeye Egg….perfect combination of every stimulating experience of eating and tasting your food, crunchy, salty, buttery, yolky, and if you really know what you’re doing, sweet, cause you put maple syrup on it.



Some foods stand the test of time and are delicious in any capacity. I’m going to talk with you about some of these foods now.

First on the list is Hollandaise Sauce. Have you had this amazing stuff?? How can anything be wrong when egg yolks are involved? The answer is no. Or maybe the answer is, it can’t! Especially when you add butter and lemon juice to the egg yolks and whip the hell out of them until they have made the perfect, silky, creamy velvet scarf of a topping that they were made to be. The only other slightly more perfect emulsification of three ingredients is mayo..but that’s another blog. I made Hollandaise sauce this week and I almost ate it all by the spoon-full…I exercised self control and saved some for the asparagus that I roasted in the oven. What a treat. The only thing that can make Hollandaise sauce better than it is, is when you put it on Eggs Benedict. Can you maybe guess why? Yes, that’s right, more yolk from the poached egg.

**warning!! Two f-words in the clip:)

Another thing I love is egg yolks best friend, Sausage. Any kind..breakfast, Italian, mild, hot, apple, smoked, with sage, with maple, on a pizza, in stuffing..as long as the sausage will eventually make it to my mouth and in my belly I will be fine with it. One thing John forgot to mention that typically comes form a pig is sausage. I’ve never met a sausage I didn’t like. When I was a little girl I loved making breakfast on the weekends. Weekend breakfast is always so much better than school day breakfast. The best part about weekend breakfast is the sausage on the end of my fork, mopping up the egg yolk and maple syrup on my plate and then getting it in my mouth. The same rule applies to bacon, bacon is also good. If there is somehow a pancake involved in the sitiuation, even better. Or a waffle. Or French Toast...all good things.


Gelato. Gelato is Italian for Ice Cream, but it’s not the same as American Ice Cream. Gelato is Ice Cream's better-looking Italian cousin. The presentation is even Italian. Think Versace compared to the Gap. It looks so pretty sitting there in the case, you almost don't want to eat in, but you do. It is made differently, so therefore it's different. Gelato is amazing because it is so creamy and delicious and robust and full of flavor. Gelato is mixed slower than ice cream, so there is less air, lending a smooth, dense texture that seems creamier than ice cream. Another fun fact about gelato, it has less fat than ice cream, so there is less fat to coat your mouth, resulting in a more intense flavor experience. My favorite flavor of gelato I've had so far is Salted Carmel; bittersweet, smooth, creamy and luxuriously delicious.  One last thing that is really special about gelato are those cute little plastic spoons they give you. Down to the last detail, gelato is good.

I find it funny that I chose to write about delicious foods this week.  I find this funny because on Monday I start a week-long juice fast. I started a draft of this blog on Tuesday and it's now Saturday evening. I decided to do a juice fast yesterday. Starting out on any endeavor where indulging the senses, particularly the emotional eater sense, will be harnessed in an attempt to cleanse the system of toxins, gives one anxiety. I fear especially, failure. One must remind oneself that one week in the course of a life is an extremely short amount of time. One also must remind oneself that food will be consumed again, and that denying oneself of food will only heighten the other less-used senses. All in all I am looking forward to this week, I feel that I am on the verge of some great awareness only brought to light by drinking beet juice...
I'll keep you posted.

Play The Game

Good day, friends! I have been wanting to start a blog for some time now, and I am pleased to say, now is the time! What took me so long?? You may be asking yourself....I have recently become so inspired that I can no longer contain the words in my head. The ideas, stories and observations are screaming in my brain and want nothing more than to be shared with the void. Also, I'm hoping that I'll get a book deal, or a movie deal out of this....just kidding...but not really..I mean, I'm not saying I wouldn't do it if someone asked. What has inspired me? It's simple..Queen has inspired me. Freddy Mercury has inspired me. The lyrics to one of my favorite songs ever written have inspired me.
       Play The Game
    Open up your mind and let me step inside,
    Rest your weary head and let your heart decide,
    It's so easy when you know the rules,
    It's so easy,
    All you have to do is fall in love,
    Play the game, everybody play the game of love...(press play)

And the song goes on to say many other profoundly simple things about how to live your life. I was driving in my car singing along and it hit me...all you have to do is fall in love, and that's it. Not with a person...that would be nice, but that's not it. All you have to do is fall in love with life!! With yourself, with others, with things, with EVERYTHING!!
SO! This blog is going to be about things that I love, people I love, songs I love, food I love, movies I love, books I love, stories about my life that I love, cities I love, TV shows that I love...anything and everything that I love...there is so much crap going on in the world that doesn't focus on Freddy's words, to fall in love and Play the Game, and because of that, I hope to share somethings that will uplift, inspire and hopefully bring a smile to the faces of the people I love and the people they love, cause the people I love are gonna share this blog...(movie deal, remember).
I invite comments and feedback and you to subscribe to this blog:)